Why Going Organinc is Ultimately Bad for the Environment (Hint: Not Everyone Will Do It)

People tell me almost every single f*cking day how they either went green and organic and feel so much better and healthier and longer-livingish, or how I should go green and eat only organic sh*t because you need to offset your f*cking carbon footprint and live for the next seven generations. (In case you didn't catch that, that was a blatant product placement for Seventh Generation sprays and soaps and all their sh*t. They work really f*cking well and smell good.) Now I'm all for the next seven generations, but I could care less about eating organic sh*t and going green and all that sh*t and let me tell you why. (Just in case after this introduction you thought I was going to start talking about my non-existant pets)

First of all, it appears to me like the people that give the biggest sh*t about going green are rich, yuppie, white people. I'm not white so I have every right to say this. Those yuppie upper-middle class white folks are all like, "Oh Sharon, oh Maurice, let's go plant a f*cking garden with our money that we got by our politically correct scamming of those poor negroe hos. We say 'negroe' with an 'e' so it's all right. Then let's go turn on our fluorescent lightbulbs so we can read our recycled paper books by Al Gore in our environmentally friendly sitting room. Then we can go to Whole Foods and buy their really f*cking expensive produce and poultry but no beef because it sits in our stomach. Then lets go home and cook on our environmentally friendly stove in our kitchen. Then we'll go to sleep in our 100% recycled cotton bed that we got from Russia on our rowboat trip their. We went by rowboat to save gas!" How many people have the time, inclination and resources to live such a life? Certainly not most of the people in the world. Yeah, maybe some guy out there, like those rich Indian dudes and Bill Gates, but certainly not most of the people in the world. Not everybody has the resources to install pressurized air faucets to save water. (But if we could . . .)

So, anyway, because the richer people are not buying from PathMark and ShopRite and Costco and all those other places, those places are forced to drive their prices UP. Because of this, the regular folks have to drive farther and farther away to get a bargain so they can stay below budget. Because the distance they drive increases, they use more gas, forcing them to buy more, limiting the food portion of their budget, forcing them to really hunt for bargains. We all know gas is bad for the environment as well, that goes without saying. Oh yes, and because plants absorb carbon dioxide and replace it with oxygen, slowly reversing global warming, as Carlos Mencia said, "You people are eating the solution!!!" Oh, and I almost forgot. Where do bicycles come from? Most likely, your bike came from some coal smoke spewing factory in Malaysia or China, was tranported here by an ancient steamer, crossed the country by a diesel tractor trailer and took the longest way possible to get here. Suck on THAT, you environmentalist, "I'm so hot because I bike every-f*cking-where!!!" dicks!!!!!

BTW, I could put some sh*t about how hybrids hurt too, but I don't want to crush your spirits TOO badly. I want you to SQUIRM.

So, in summation, rich vegans and vegetarians are BAD for the f*cking environment. Just eat meat and drive cars like the rest of us, you F*CKING B*ST*RDS!!!